Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Pre-Posthumous Humor

Yes, the Post Title is indeed very Gilliamesque... but I haven't been feeling that Well, the Diabetes has been rather a bitch lately and I've felt like Death warmed over!  Finally I had to take myself off the insanely high increased doses they'd prescribed in their experimentation of what MIGHT work and go back to the reduced Insulin dose of before.   I HAD to, felt like they might be killing me and The Young Prince googled my extreme symptoms and determined I was definitely having Insulin overdose reactions.

  There... I'm getting my Medical Advice from a 17 year old Grandchild who probably has a higher IQ and definitely more sense than most Western Medical Docs I've seen!  *LOL*  Who don't really have 'answers' and play around with meds and doses like I'm some Guinea Pig... one trapped inside my own Body so we gotta just Make It Work as Tim Gunn would say!  Anyway, lowering the dose instantly worked and I can eat again... or even smell food without being horribly nauseous!  I also felt considerably better, tho' not completely better. *Whew*

At least my appetite returned to where I can feel like eating portions of a meal, tho' eating several times a day is still a stretch for me, even tho' I know I should.  I try to eat something Divine so that I'll WANT desperately to eat at least some of it, even tho' I can hardly ever eat all of it anymore.  One would think I'd drop lots of weight being unable to eat properly, I really haven't, which SUCKS!

I am Meditating more so that at least my Head Space will be in better shape than my physical body.   And I've been resting and sleeping a lot, fatigue has been a huge factor in this downward physical spiral I'd been free falling into.  And I can't afford the Luxury of being too tired... since Caregiving requires you to be alert, somewhat rested and getting what needs to be done... done!

At least there are some Events coming up that I'm looking forward to attending that will buoy the Spirit.   The Halloween and Autumn Events are my absolute Favorites that I look forward to all year, so Emotionally that is a definite Bonus to have them coming up.  Having our Home decked out for the Holidays early has been beneficial too.

Despite all of the crazy stuff going on in the World right now I think I'm doing Okay overall.  It's hard not to think about how much is happening that is not Positive in the World around us, but mostly I try to focus upon not engaging with Negativity if I can avoid it.  I only watch as much of the News on TV as I can Handle in any given day.

I Scored another piece of Old Wedgwood to go on the Dia de los Muertos Altar in Tribute to my Mom.  Clearly the Thrift Shop didn't know what it was since I got it for Ninety-Nine Cents and had another 20% Off with my Military Discount!  Antique Wedgwood tends to be in a darker Cobalt Blue Jasperware Dip as you can see the shade difference between this earlier Pen Tray and the later period Candlesticks. So it is likely 19th Century or even earlier.  I found the exact one online but no value noted.

Doesn't matter, I'm Keeping it for Future Altars Honoring the Spirit of departed Loved Ones.   And speaking of the departed, we had an Interesting unexpected conversation in the Truck on the way Home from The Young Prince's School.  He knows I haven't been feeling Well lately and began asking about the location of everything that pertains to my pre-paid Funeral arrangements... you know, just in case!  And then went on to say that he realizes with the Adoption of he and his Sister, now they are Heirs along with their Mom, Uncle and Aunt... so could he have all my Taxidermy when I die?  *Bwahahahahahaha!!!*

Gotta Love these Kiddos, no Topic is Off Limits with them, they will discuss the Morbid Issues of Life as freely and nonchalant as the most mundane of Topics! *LMAO*  I went along with it since such things should in fact be discussed at some point, he's likely to be the one who would have the presence of Mind to be handling my Affairs anyway once I cross over... so why not?  I don't know why but it's actually Funny to me to be discussing my final arrangements because it's just a Strange Topic to enter into really in a matter of fact and casual way. As if we're discussing somebody else and I'm talking about myself in the 3rd person, which is just Weird and hilarious to me!

I know Mom always liked to talk about hers, as if she was Planning some Awesome Trip... which I suppose it IS really... but it always struck me as Funny.  Now when discussing my own Mortality, if the subject just happens to randomly come up in conversation, mostly with The Force since they can be Morbid little buggers, it's still rather Amusing to me.  Because tho' we all know it's gonna happen to us all, I don't think about it all that much.  Tho' The Man and I made our final arrangements and paid them off many years ago so no Adult Kids or Grands would be burdened with it or the expenses.

I asked The Young Prince Why, do I look like I'm dying and is this why the Topic randomly came up?  He grinned and quipped, "Well, not every day..."  Nuff said!!!  *Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!*   Then he went on to query as to his Obligations to raise his Little Sister in the Event something were to happen to me before she's grown... and what would he do with Grandpa?   I asked if all this was giving him undue Anxiety and he said only when I don't look so Good.  He wasn't Smiling this time, so I can see it weighs heavily upon him sometimes when I'm not doing so Good.

See... this IS something that Families with Loved Ones with profound Special Needs or who require Full Time Caregiving have to discuss eventually.  Or when Grandparents are raising Grandchildren and have to Last longer than usual to get the Job done!  We don't know yet whether The Young Prince will even be able to live independently and without some Caregiving due to his SMI condition?  And yet he realizes his Uncle also Deals with a lifetime Disability.  So it would be a stretch for his Uncle to take on the responsibility of everyone if I 'go' first.  He's pretty much intelligently determined he's next in line to inherit whoever is left!  He takes it very Seriously since he's a very Serious Child who Thinks deeply and profoundly for his Age.

His Mother called Today from Mexico... she had been robbed at gunpoint last week and had to give up her purse and cell phone, it traumatized her and sent her into a Mental Health downward spiral of Fixating upon the Thugs.  She knows this isn't good, she is Okay and not harmed from the robbery, she can replace Phone and Purse, but now she's Paranoid more than usual... and usually her Paranoia is high, so she's been rather on the Crazy Train and Aware of it.  

She said her Son hasn't been taking her Messages or Calls, I told her I knew he'd been avoiding her and Why.  He had thought she might not be Well right now and can't Handle it... she's Okay with that and suspected as much.  I told her he hasn't been doing so Well either sans Psyche Meds.  She said something quite profound about being at a place in her life now where she might seek Treatment again and try to get more stabilized, I'm Happy about that introspection, it's rare for her.  I'm guardedly optimistic she might seek Medical intervention when things get real bad now... but I'm more guarded than optimistic until it actually happens.

You can have epiphanies but the follow thru doesn't always happen after them.  I know this because it's happened with me as well and I suspect it can and does happen to any of us.   One epiphany The Young Prince and I had, even before his Mom's call Today, was that we're nixing the trip to Mexico after hearing of her being the victim of armed robbery.  She's extremely Street Smart and not an easy Mark, so if it happened to her it can happen to anyone.  She was Glad she didn't resist or go on The Crazy Train when it happened, since she heard the click of the pistol being cocked.  But it was a trigger to a serious Mental Health Episode she's still working thru.  Her Demons run Deep and it's a Lifelong struggle she suspects no Cure will become available for in her Lifetime.

 The Safety factor about Mexico, and especially now when Americans are getting targeted more due to the current Political Climate being so f---ed up, is something we don't have a Peace about.  She agreed, tho' it's been over nine long years since our last visit, she agreed it's not a good time to be an American in many parts of Mexico.  Hell, it's probably not a good time to be a Mexican in many parts of Mexico... and some other unstable parts of the World where violence and corruption are continuously escalating!   Not to mention several large 7 and 8 point Earthquakes as well!!!

I used to be quite the Global Nomad so really that bothers me that Foreign Travel anymore is something you really have to Think long and hard about nowadays.   Especially if you have a Family in tow... I want all of their Travel Experiences to be Memorable in only the best possible ways and not the worst!  "Mebbe we should think about just going to Hawaii rather than Mexico or Bora Bora Gramma", The Young Prince said Today.  

 Would you be too disappointed to ditch the Bora Bora Dream Vacay in favor of a Trip to Hawaii he wanted to know?   Nope... at this juncture and after filling out a tonnage of paperwork to try to obtain Passports, I don't think so... I think it would be just Fine!  *LOL*   Now that I have Adopted The Force at least Travel is possible without Approval from various Agencies, like when they were a Kinship Placement and I had virtually no Rights and was viewed merely as a Convenience to The System saving Money.

But still, I find myself not wanting to jump thru any more extraordinary Hoops anymore to be Approved for anything.  Our situation is still somewhat complex enough it is usually more than just a pain in the ass to try to convey.  As I was filling out the Passport requests I couldn't even remember the Birth Date of my Dad... long gone... and that Upset me tremendously that I had already Forgotten!  To be Fair my Dad rarely talked about his Birth or Childhood since it was traumatic and difficult.  So I didn't even know which State he'd even been born in until after his Death! 

But, forgetting important things is Upsetting to me all the same... it reminds me of my own Memory deterioration and it's frustrating to have Upsetting Senior Moments of things you feel you should never Forget!   When something very important and Cherished cannot even be recalled, well... you Wonder what else has gone by the wayside in forgotten Memory?!?  *LOL*   "It's probably the Diabetes...", The Young Prince offered as a semi Comforting explanation... tho' we both know it's probably only part of it.  Then we engaged in hilarious banter of Gallows Humor about what he'll have to do with me if I get any worse off... *Bwahahahahahaha!*

It involved a skit where he anonymously dumps me off at the most expensive Nursing Home we can't afford with my suitcase and telling me I'm Home!  And me playing along in a most hilarious demented way that would make Staff feel so bad they couldn't possibly turn me out or away.  We laughed our asses off all the way Home... from talks of my demise to pawning me off on a High End Nursing Home in one single ride Home from School... I know... we're sic like that!  *Winks*


Blessings and Love from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Monday, September 18, 2017

Being A Little Bit Crazy Is Like Being A Little Bit Pregnant

I have the Habit of saying that the antics of those I'm Caregiving for often makes me a little bit Crazy.  In reality being a little bit Crazy is like being a little bit Pregnant, you're either Preggy or you're NOT... ergo it's made me Crazy or NOT... I'm leaning towards the former and not the latter.  *LOL*  I think many of you Suspected that anyway so that's no great revelation on my part...

This is direct Evidence so it cannot be refuted... after another entire grueling day at the VA Hospital getting The Man his first Acupuncture treatments for Pain Management... I bought a dozen Wig Mannequins at the Goodwill as Retail Therapy!!!  *LMAO*   I actually hit the Motherlode of them and got very excited, believe it or not I only bought a small fraction of the cache' they had!  A Wig Shop must have gone out of business, these are the better quality ones that Sell easily.  One has Ear damage, she's practically the only one with Ears actually!  *LOL* 

The Margins will be Awesome on the resale of most of these, some that I will Keep will Display my Vintage Hat Collections.   But The G-Kid Force, seeing them en mass in the Hallway... and in the Truck in the back seat with him when I picked The Young Prince up from School... must have thought I'd totally Lost It this time?!?  *Winks*  The Young Prince actually said nothing... his expression said it all, and with a knowing grin when he entered the Truck Cab and saw these taking up half of it.... Mannequin Hoard!  Why!???! *Bwahahahahaha!!!*

Princess T merely deadpanned, "That's a lot of Heads..."   I'm Sure, when they're grown, they will regale their Friends, or their Therapists, with the Stories of how they were Raised by a Crazy Woman!?!???!  *LOL*   But here's a Sampling of what COULD HAVE made me this way... in the realm of a Day In The Life Of Caregiving!!!   I don't think you can get thru it without going a "Little Bit Crazy" actually!!!??!?

The Man has had acupuncture before at my Chinese Doctor and gotten excellent proven results, but our Insurance won't pay for it as Alternative Medicine, since they consider over 2,600 years of Eastern Medical Practices to apparently still be 'experimental'!  *Le Sigh*  So when the VA Hospital here in Phoenix was one of the first to get Acupuncture Treatments for it's Veterans with chronic pain, I immediately got him pre-qualified and signed up.   Today was the Class and first Treatment, his first experience with Auricular Acupuncture, using Ear Needles you wear Home and which can provide benefit for a Week until they fall out Naturally.

They are Cute, like tiny Pinhead sized Gold Studs... The Force thought it was way Cool, since we dig Piercings and Grandpa was the only one not yet to get some.  *Smiles*  You stimulate them daily with a Magnet and for Maximum benefit leave them in until they Naturally fall out on their own.  Can I remind you The Man has Traumatic Brain Injury, he Forgets.   So... he involuntarily screwed up Maximum benefit within 4 hours of having them installed by forgetting and scratching and rubbing his Ear knocking eight of them out!   Dammit and Le Sigh since he only confessed this when I went to stimulate them for THE FIRST TIME at Home!

He HAD nine, stimulating several areas he has chronic pain... now I can only see one... and we're hunting for the rest of them he scratched out before Princess T finds any of them and puts them in the Ears of her LPS or Barbies!!?!?? *LOL* In the TWO HOUR Orientation Class before installation, they warned you that if you had Kids or Pets, account for any that fall out.  It was an Older Group again... the rest only had to worry about their Dogs... we were the only ones who still had Kids in the house... that's how it usually is, we're always the anomaly Seniors still raising Young-Uns.

To say that I was a little disappointed, exasperated and upset after having spent all day at the VA expending precious time and energy to get him limited Services again would be an understatement.   His cooperation is sometimes marginal at best with the TBI impairment, I go over things patiently and gently with him as to his accountability and cooperation... I'm usually wasting my breath.  But we need to Manage his Care as best we can anyway to Maintain or Improve his Health and not have it go in a Negative direction again.   We're all Invested in this, when he declines the quality of Life for us all declines right along with it.

 He is All In with acupuncture since he gets almost immediate positive results from it, he got immediate results again which was SO encouraging!  But new and unfamiliar things he resists, this was new and unfamiliar in the Procedure and Style of the form of acupuncture.  So he was fussy about having to leave with anything still attached to him and not fussing with it even tho' it didn't really hurt!  I could tell the presence of nine tiny Studs he couldn't even see and could barely feel was becoming a fixation with him!  I think we'll have to go with the alternate method of Pins under adhesive rounds next time so they might possibly stay in longer to Maximize benefit?!?

So after crawling around on the living room floor around his recliner trying to find and account for eight pinhead sized Needles at Night in the one room of the Home that has crappy Evening Lighting... is it any Wonder I have a Hoard of Mannequin Heads in my Hallway?   I think NOT!   I didn't want to be upset with him... but keeping it 100% real... I wasn't thrilled either, I was in fact aggravated!!!   He's going to be doing this Weekly for Months, which cramming that into our insane schedule is stressful beyond belief, so I want his complete cooperation if that is even possible?

 This is the most Holistic non-habit forming Method of Pain Management that does no Harm... we've exhausted all the others that don't work and do cause Harm, like Opioids... which are the Devil and are a current Crisis in this Country!  We've been that route, with pain med backlash... I can't go thru all that again.  He does need Relief from the chronic pain, tension and stress of it, so Managing it all appropriately and intelligently is crucial and unavoidable.  You don't like to see Loved Ones suffering if anything might help alleviate some of it.

The Kiddos did well in our long absence, The Young Prince wasn't thrilled about having to stay Home after School and look after his Sister when she got Home from School... so I resorted to bribes.  Yep, that's right, they already have excessive absences from their own Health and Mental Health Issues so I can't pull them out of School for Grandpa's too, so we adapt and improvise best we can.  Otherwise I'm quite sure I'd go completely Insane from the pressure of it all... and lack of absence of adequate Respite Care for him or the Kiddos!

Now that he's 17 he can babysit his little Sister or stay Home alone for brief periods of time successfully.  But he resists doing so about as much as The Man resists Change of any kind now... so it ALL requires bribes on my part.  How about a Tiger's Blood Milkshake from MacAlpines, suitable bribe... absolutely!  And those fake Candy Cigarettes, which I know are so NOT PC and I don't give a damn since I'm not encouraging her to Smoke the real thing... and some Pop Rocks Candy, for her cooperating at being Supervised by her Older Brother... Yep, that's suitable bribery too!  *Winks*

You see, in HER Mind she's the one actually Supervising The Show when they're Home alone together. *Smiles*  I'm just happy not to have to take The Show on the Road and try to entertain all three of them for hours on end at the VA Hospital Downtown and thru Rush Hour Traffic there and back!    The Man does not do Well in Rush Hour City Traffic, it gives him extreme Anxiety and heightened agitation... and if I had two Grands in the vehicle fussing too, well, we'd be wanting to do a Thelma and Louise now wouldn't we?!?  *LOL*

So, Yes, hadda bribe him too... with a delish Luncheon at MacAlpines after his acupuncture Class and Treatment, which had been three and a half hours of our Life we'd never get back... not to mention additional two hour commute there and back Home!  *LOL*   That's what Full Time Caregiving often looks like for Medical intervention and appointments... more time spent at Hospitals, Doctor's Offices and Treatments than at Home.   And a Calendar that looks Insane with no White Voids of 'Down Time' to be seen mid-week. 

Several people had brought their little Service Dogs, Bless their Hearts the little Dogs were equally not thrilled to spend so much time at the long Class or Appointments.   I felt rather like the little Dogs actually... just as restless... which was probably better than boring out and falling asleep, since I have to be the one to remember everything so that wouldn't be good.  *Smiles*  But it was a very good Class and Procedure, just done in Groups and that therefore takes TIME to process that many Veterans at once rather than individually.  But it's a Treatment in high demand with only a single Doctor and NP that can do it, so we're fortunate to get in while Funding is so limited. 

Patience really isn't one of my Virtues anyway, neither is sitting thru a Class... my ADHD kicks in and I just get too restless or distracted by almost anything and everything.   So Focus gets disrupted and if The Man is having trouble, I'm more Focused on getting him to take it all Seriously and not Zone Out into TBI Land where he's now fixated on anything but his Treatments and the benefits of them.  *Le Sigh*   Or an inclination to say the most outrageous things off the top of his Head, much like that Toddler who you never know what embellishment they'll pass off as factual since they can't discern yet!?

TBI can be like that, The Man will just make things up and think it's all True and you can't convince him otherwise.   So then you're offering explanation as to why he just conveyed something that either never happened or has been lavishly embellished in his telling of it!   I'm used to that with Children, I'm getting used to it with him and no longer argue the points of his made-up Stories or challenge him about them.  Since it's just upsetting to him because it's his memory and reality apparently and the line between real and imaginary is blurry and often mixed up still.

He'll sometimes have to turn to me for the answers to questions because he simply cannot recall or has no memory of it whatsoever, or his memory of it might not be at all accurate and he's sometimes aware of that.  It's very similar to Stroke, Dementia and Alzheimer damage to Memory when one has had a Traumatic Brain Injury and requires Memory Care.   His Brain is slowly re-routing and re-wiring itself quite Miraculously, but we've got some definite hiccups and lingering damage to Deal with.

Here's a strange fact about the Brain and how it relates Physically... after his Catastrophic Accident there was a long period of time when The Man Forgot all of his previous Pain and therefore felt none of it anymore!  Which was very Real Pain from numerous War related injuries and reconstructive surgeries.  He just didn't have it post Brain injury... appeared to be gone!  Which didn't Surprise me so much since a Friend who had a Stroke completely Forgot she used to be a Chain Smoker and never had an iota of Nicotine withdrawal Physically either, she just never Smoked again post Stroke!

But now, as his Brain continues along it's Healing Path to regain function, some of the chronic Pain is coming back again... strange indeed!  The Memory of it is returning... slowly... and the Process of Acupuncture is actually to re-route the Brain's Memory of Pain and to respond differently to it.  Training the Brain to bypass the Pain it used to feel and therefore got used to feeling on a regular basis.  This is why Phantom Pain can and does exist with amputated limbs.  Fascinating indeed, I really Geek Out about Brain function and all it's Mysteries!  And the Healing Properties of just our Thoughts, Beliefs and Brain Power!

And so that's my Thoughts for Today's Post... and why I feel just a little bit Crazy even tho' I know it isn't literal, because it can't be.  *Winks*


Blessings and Love from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Sunday, September 17, 2017

When Dealing With The Difficult Loved One... Indulge In Retail Therapy

I started out with the very best of intentions Saturday Morning, I really did.  Since I'm working Friday and Sunday Nights now, it only leaves Saturday as a Free Day to have Family Time during the weekend and when The Force is out of School and there's no pending slew of Appointments.  So I attempt to Plan something Fun and ask who wants to join me for an Enjoyable Day Out?   One would think that would go over well and not like a lead balloon or pending disaster, wouldn't ya?  *LOL*

Well, I suppose if I were dealing with the garden variety of Grandchildren and Spouse it would not be an Ordeal to Plan and actually have Fun!?!  I mean I fully intend to have a Good Time and am looking forward to it, so extending an invitation to join in SOUNDS like a good idea on the surface!  It would probably play out with everyone actually wanting to join me to have Fun and an Enjoyable Positive Day Out together under Normal circumstances and with folks who can actually Mood Regulate. 

 Besides, I would feel bad and selfish to ditch all of them all of the time just so I can have any Enjoyment in my day!  I want to have that Fantasy Family Time with some or all of them where we all just have that Good Time and create Amazing Memories Together.  In my Fantasy they would look forward to it rather than resist or avoid having Fun... but they are rather like one of those Grumpy Cat Memes:

So... you get the gist now of what I'm Dealing with, when we attempt the Family Time Adventure Plan I have in mind on a Saturday Morning once everyone is finally up?!!!!!   Sure, I could sneak off and just do it myself to ensure Fun and Joy actually happens.  But they can't seem to stand that either... particularly HER, the Beast Princess!  Only when I'm Planning a Solo Escape is there suddenly any feigned interest in joining me and spreading her Misery.  Then there's that ridiculous fictional glimmer of Hope I always have.  That perhaps this time, she can tolerate Fun if she accepts said Invitation... and is the only one in tow so she has nobody to fight with?    Like I'm Nobody, right?  *Bwahahahaha!!!*

 You see, The Young Prince and The Man, they will only be dragged along involuntarily to have Fun the majority of the time and opt out immediately if they can avoid coming along.  Trying to endure an outing with members of the Family for them can just be agonizing and excruciating to a degree they just can't handle. Sometimes The Young Prince will waffle and not be sure he shouldn't at least TRY to have Fun and be around other Humans rather than in constant voluntary solitary confinement.  The rare occasion he opts in, well, it usually does not go nor end Well and we regret we insisted so strongly to sway him to come along!  Since he's immediately asking how long are we going to be, when are we coming Home, winding up his Sister on purpose and not engaged in anything at all.  

The Man, I can usually only take him out with me for a Good Time, he can handle me as company and even sometimes handle a Good Time... The G-Kid Force out in Public, not so much!  Usually he will erupt at some point when they all work his last nerve, which doesn't take all that long and generally cuts any outing he joined in on extremely short when he melts down.  The Force knows Grandpa has TBI and does not Cope well, they also know that anyone who can easily be pushed over the Edge is a demented form of Entertainment they just can't always resist triggering!

I myself can usually only handle one of them at a time out in Public, it's risky to try a two-fer... and all three, well pending doom and disaster is then a Given.  I have tho' taken the risks, because NOT to invite any one or all of them also inspires Jealousies and resentments.  So I always asks who wants to come... betting that one or two of the Guys will almost always opt out voluntarily anyway and not Care what I'm doing for Fun.   But SHE, it's rare she won't come along, even if she knows damned well she's not having a Good Day Emotionally and we'll be on that roller-coaster of Mood Swings.  *Le sigh*

And even if the itinerary has everything her Little Heart Desires, shit will still always hit the fan at some point... usually numerous times.  To the point I'll be thinking, or saying out loud if I am just at saturation point... pick a Mood, any freakin' Mood and just stick with it a minute will ya?!?   When her mode has gotten to the point of I Love You... I Hate You... I Hate to Love You... I Love to Hate You... well, you know you're screwed and it's just time to call it a day because clearly we're NOT having Fun any more!  *Smiles*  Nope, not even at 'Spirit Store' where she was to pick out her Costume for Halloween!  *Gasp!*

Ya wanna know WHY?!??!  Any psychic predictions?!?  *Winks*   Because... they did not have an Assassins Creed Female Child's Costume!  *It depicts a centuries-old struggle pitting the Assassins, who fight for peace and free will, against the Templars, who believe peace comes through control of humanity.*  {No, I'm not even Sure which Side of the Centuries Old Struggle she's on??!  LOL}  Oh yeah, they only had XL Ladies' ones of the exact one she was fixated upon getting and so Obsessed with there was no talking her into any of the thousands of other fab Costumes they hawk.   And now... now she was just not going to participate in Halloween this year at all dammit!  *Uh Oh!*  And she's glaring angrily at me with a gaze like daggers... as if I can pull a Child's sized Assassins Creed Costume out of my ass or something just so we'll have Halloween this year!  *LMAO*

None of this shit was the scariest stuff in the Store once she went off the deep end lemme tell ya!   Well, so much for Enjoyment at 'Spirit Store'... not happening, exit hastily stage left with her now on a Halloween Boycott and Strike!   I haven't eaten Breakfast she now wails... her Brother had cooked Breakfast for everyone this Morning, she refused to eat it... that shouldda been my first Clue that Today was NOT the day to have Fun with her?!?  *Winks*   Okay, we'll have Breakfast on our way to the Desert Botanical Gardens... which was our next destination so I could renew Membership for another year and Enjoy the unseasonably Cooler day.  But the Whining was NEVER to end and I'm fantasizing, just Kill me NOW, let it just be Mercifully over!

So we stop at a Fav Mexican Restaurant that serves delish Breakfasts in the City and she orders exactly what she wants.   And proceeds to complain about ALL of it and then eat most of MY Breakfast and hers goes in the To-Go Box uneaten.  And then at the Gardens the incessant malcontent complaining continues unabated and she didn't wanna go anywhere else or do anything else I suggested might be Funner... Lord Have Mercy... can you only tell what a stretch it is now that I'm having any Fun?!?!???!  *LMAO*


So she decides she wants to go Home early but before we do... she wants to get her Ears pierced... for the third time... since she had them done initially as an Infant and that only lasted to Age 4 when Kids or Adults at Child Care began stealing her Gold and Diamond Earrings!!!   And then again a second time, about a year ago, but got an infection and we had to take them out.  Turned out the Surgical Steel Earrings were NOT 100% Surgical Steel and she has allergies to anything else.   By now I really want to inflict Pain myself, so this was the next best thing... yeah, lets get your Ears pierced, mebbe that'll shut ya up!?! *I know... I'm going to Hell for that, right... Bad Gramma!!!  Winks*

But, since I had now Endured several hours of her intense Mood Swings I was either ready for a stiff Drink {and it wasn't even Noon yet and I don't Drink} or to Buy something and indulge in some Serious Retail Therapy to take the Edge off!   Becoz when Dealing with the Difficult Loved One... indulging in Retail Therapy can be Cheaper than Real Therapy or going wheels off the rails into Caregiver Burnout and ending up in Psychiatric Lockdown!  *Yeah, it actually happened once!*   So... the Garden's Gift Shop had the most Amazing Selection of Dia de los Muertos merchandise and I was having a Lustfest with the very large High End Catrinas!

And they were spendy and I didn't give a damn, I had EARNED that sucka, you hear me?!?   I couldn't have paid anyone triple what she cost me to spend a day with this Kid in the Mindset she was in and give me a Respite by providing Child Care!!!   They couldn't have hung... or they would have been hanging, by a short rope... or had a complete Nervous Breakdown, which would have been even costlier!  *LOL*   And I really LOVE my expensive Catrina, it made up for the Sucky Day completely!!!  I picked the Black one... since Princess T felt the Black one was best over the White one... natch, Dark Brooding Princess that she is and Black being such a Happy Color!  *LOL*

But if you've never Experienced managing a Child with Serious Behavioral Health Issues, well, you just haven't Lived dangerously yet!  *LOL*  So the Black Catrina won over the Light Catrina... and that was Okay coz frankly I was kinda diggin' the Dark One better myself since she'd really dragged me over to the Dark Side this particular Morning lemme tell ya!  *LMAO*   And I thought she might spill the beans out of spite on how much Gramma had spent on said Catrina, but she didn't!  

And after Venting to The Man about how the day had played out with her and why we were back so early, he wouldn't have Cared anyway, at least he didn't have to be Home with her all Morning in that Funky Mood!   He knows what she's like and he and The Young Prince were just both Thankful they'd dodged a bullet and not had to Entertain her in my absence!  *Smiles*  In fact, The Young Prince sympathized with me after seeing how frazzled I was upon returning... but with Prize Catrina in hand, carrying it like I'd Won her as a Trophy in the Heavyweight Championship and gone 15 rounds with a formidable opponent and somehow Survived!  *Bwahahahahaha!*

And I have her right here beside me so I can Enjoy her while I'm Blogging.  And Princess T had Calmed down sufficiently by the time we got Home so that it was as if nothing had transpired and all was right with her Universe now, as she proudly showed off her new Stud Earrings to the Guys... it's eerie like that with those who cannot regulate Mood.  And she even assisted The Young Prince to volunteer to cook Dinner for us... yeah, EERIE!!!!  And the Food wasn't even poisoned and it was actually really Good... as she'd cooked the Seasoned New Potatoes and he'd cooked the Lamb Chops!  *Bwahahahahaha!*

Because both of them can turn on a Dime and be the absolutest Sweet Children you can imagine when they're not riding The Crazy Train!   And that's what keeps me hanging in there... the Memories of all that Sweetness, Love and Kindness they CAN exhibit when they're not being Mental and driving me Crazy!  *LOL*   And she will always apologize for being a Beast, once she's managed to regain her composure and reign the Beast back where it's not tormenting and torturing Self and Others.   And I 'Feel' for them all, I really do... and anyone suffering from Mental and Behavioral Health Issues or Brain Damage, because it's as tough for them as it is for those of us Caring for them.

And we've developed a Gallow's Humor where we can laugh later about what wasn't at all Funny Ha-Ha at the time it was playing out in Real Time!  Because in the re-telling of it then it can actually be quite Humorous really, in a Twisted kind of demented Humor way that not everyone 'Gets'!  *Smiles*  And I'm Glad we can view it with a proper perspective to Find the Humor in it all, because you just can't always be so Serious about those things that cannot be changed and you just therefore Deal with as best you can.  Sometimes in the most Outrageous of ways!!!

I mean, I couldda bought MORE with the Stress Buying... since there was certainly some other Fab Creations to Die For in there!  *Ha ha ha*   Or I couldda hit a Bar and had that drink... or two... or three... which would have been dangerous and worse!  So I'm Glad too that I'm not a Drinker and therefore never drown out my Sorrows or Problems at the bottom of a bottle or handle things with Substance Abuse to just Escape that way.  Tho' Lord knows in all the years of Caregiving there have been numerous Western Medical Docs that have tried to prescribe a plethora of strong meds they claim would take the Edge off and relieve the Stress of Caring for ailing and difficult Loved Ones!

Some things you just have to do Cold Turkey, Clean and totally Sober, or you wouldn't be any Good at it or properly Care for those who rely upon you.  Accepting a Crutch is not the Answer or any Solution to most Problems IMO, it just adds to them so then you'd have yet another layer of Issues to contend with!!!   Besides, handling THEM Drunk or High would not be being a very responsible Guardian of them and probably couldn't even be done in that condition! 

 Even tho' I joke about it, it can never be an actual Option... even if some Doc 'suggests' it could Help... in suggested moderation of coarse.  But shit, who'd stop at a single drink or handle this shit while up under the influence of whatever Rx crap could Calm you down ENOUGH and not make you give a Shit?!?  *LMAO*  Yeah, they haven't Invented a Drug yet that could manage that IMO!   And besides, you have to be alert and at the top of your Game when you're Caregiving for Brain Damaged Spouses or Extreme Parenting Special Needs Kiddos!!!   Love HAS to be able to Conquer All and just be enough!!!

And sometimes it IS Hard... to just allow people to Be as they just ARE... and not try to Change them to Be who you'd be more Comfortable with and Dealing with in your day.   The G-Kid Force and The Man just happen to want to stay in Lower Energies much of the time due to their individual Disabilities.  Often they don't even have a Choice, clinical Depression and Mental impairments can't be conquered by Choice... IF ONLY it were that easy!!!  It is how they are and who they are... they were dealt this hand they have and that's all they can Play as best they can.  It's not always as easy for them to stay in the Higher Energy frequencies that some of us find to be so Effortless to Maintain and get to Enjoy without it being a lot of Work.

Even tho' she was incessantly complaining and being a total Malcontent there at the Gardens and giving me fits, Princess T, once she got to this Cactus that had numerous Natural Heart Shaped paddles, sincerely told me she Wished she could buy me one just like that.  *Awwwwwwww, Heart melting Moment and lump in the throat!*   Because this trio Sincerely have Great Love for me and I know it, even when they're making me Feel Crazy by their behaviors and how difficult and unlovely they can sometimes be.  Sometimes you can't Feel the Love... but it's still there!  *Winks*

And Love can Bear all things, can Believe all things, Hopes all things and Endures all things... Love NEVER Fails!!!  {1 Corinthians 13:7-9}   I Stand on that Scriptural Promise because I fully Believe it with all of my Heart and Soul... I've Witnessed it firsthand for all of my life when I've seen Great Love bearing Testimony thru anything and sometimes everything.  

So, yeah, it was a crappy day for the most part, indulged with some Retail Therapy that I have zero regrets about... so mebbe I should Thank Princess T for that actually.  *Ha ha ha*  Otherwise I wouldn't have this Killer Catrina which I absolutely J'Adore and felt was Worth every Cent of her High End Price! *Smiles*   She is exquisite and I've never seen one this Beautifully made actually.   And I'll probably Display this one year round to Enjoy her every day as a Lovely piece of Cultural Art.

I don't know how your Saturday went, but I Hope it wasn't as rough as mine?!?    And Tomorrow will be a brand new day... actually Tomorrow is already Today as I've sat here writing this Post and they all look so Sweet when they're Sleeping!  *Smiles*  Tonight they all actually went down early and have stayed asleep, which is rather miraculous... God sometimes cuts me a Break like that when He knows I've reached the end of my proverbial Caregiving Rope! *Ha ha ha*

And I just can't stay Mad or Upset with any of them for long anyway.  I Try to sometimes if I have been really pissed off and pushed beyond strength and above measure!  But it never works, they always do or say something that either makes me Laugh or Touches my Heart so deeply that how could I, you know?   Besides being a Beast, she can also be one of the Funniest, Fun and Wry Human Beings on the face of this Planet!   So she can be quite an Entertaining Sidekick when she's not in Beast or Wednesday Addams Mode!  *LOL*

But as The Young Prince says, we should just Pity The Fool who Dates or Marries her one day... that poor fellow is in for one helluva ride of his life!   And he better have deep pockets too, coz she's mos' def gonna be High Maintenance too that one!!!    And why wouldn't she be... the Apples don't fall far from the Trees ya know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     *Bwahahaha!*


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl