Wednesday, August 28, 2013

If I Wanted To Run Away...

Have you ever wanted to run away?  For just a little while, when things get really crazy or stressful and you need more than a Calgon Moment?  Have you ever thought about how you'd run away in Style, you know, the Dream Runaway?   Or the Destination... if that even matters to you at all or not at all?  I have... I've Planned it all out in fact, should the Urge overtake me to go Nomad for a while and leave all my Troubles behind to take a brief Sabattical somewhere... anywhere.

Destinations aren't my primary focus, it would be the Journey that would hold the most Allure and Excitement for me, the unknown and Adventures inbetween point A and point B.  I'm a very spontaneous person and so my Plans are always quite loose and subject to change without notice... that can drive a Serious Planner and Destination Focused Individual quite crazy.  I never really care when or if I 'Arrive' at a Destination... or even if I have one, so long as the Journey is interesting and has potential I'm Golden about it and on my way.

 I'd go Gypsy Style of coarse with a very Free Spirited Agenda, laid back and comfortable with visual Appeal.  Like a Home away from Home, so that it didn't really matter where we were or ended up because our Trappings would be very Familiar... and our Style to Retreat to when we wanted or needed to.  If you are surrounded by what you Love then you're at Home anywhere any time.
It doesn't have to break the Bank either... you'd be surprised how easily you can set up Camp with Found Treasures and inexpensive Scavenged items to Color your World Beautifully with and have all the Comforts of Home on the Road.
Of coarse there has to be Music... and in preparation for my Future Adventures on the Road, I bought a trio of these Lovely Old Tambourines cascading with Colorful Seam Binding from my Friend Shelly's Shop, RUST AND ROSES, where all these Lovely Images of Gypsy Life and Style were taken.

The G-Kid Force and I Love Music and making Music... not that we're Gifted Musicians or have Lovely Singing Voices, we don't, but you don't really have to if you're uninhibited enough to just Enjoy doing it with reckless abandon and have Fun in the Process.

And having Fun would be what it's all about, this running away Adventure, because Life can be so Serious, busy, scheduled, complicated and unpredictable that Great Escapes really are necessary to Restore the Soul and Lighten the Spirit as you unwind and break from your normal routine and surroundings.

I think that is why Vacations always have been and always will be so popular and looked forward to.  It's a bit like running away briefly when you go on Vacation.  For some even their Alter Ego can come forth when they're 'Away' in a place where they're completely anonymous and don't have to put up appearances or protect and guard a reputation or what they think is expected of them or what others may think.

I've seen amazing Metamorphosis of people on Vacation, where their True Selves feel Safe to emerge and become the Beautiful Butterflies that have been trapped inside and often stifled in their everyday lives.  The Transformation is quite Wonderful and I always Hope they will bring some of that Joy back with them once the Vacation has ended?  Sometimes they do, other times they retreat back into their Shell or behind the facade so carefully constructed for Social Acceptance and to fit in and not stand out or be subject to criticism or gossip.
Every person's Fantasy Escape will obviously be different and Imagined in a way that is Perfectly suited to them though.  One Person's Dream Getaway could be another Person's worst Nightmare!  *winks*  So if you're going to have Traveling Companions on this runaway Adventure, you better choose carefully and have Shared Vision and Traveling Styles so there won't be division along the way!!!
If your Friend or Loved One isn't an equally Serious Junquer or Picker and would rather languish at a Five Star Resort with all the Luxuries and Amenities and not get down and dirty, then Gypsy Style and Nomadic Rambling here, there and everywhere... as you stop and poke around at every little interesting spot and ramshackle property where Found Treasures could be, well, it's probably not gonna fly with them!  *Smiles* 
Your Pimped Out Pull probably isn't gonna be sufficient for them either if they intend and expect to stay in a Hotel or Resort Accommodations either.  The Tricked Out Airstream Dream or Gypsy Vardo might be Magical to you... and absolutely a ghastly suggestion to them?!?  *LOL*  So be sure you're Traveling with Kindred Spirits, so that everyone's Experience will be Memorable and talked about for ages to come... in a Good way!  *Winks*
As for me I don't really care if I have Traveling Companions or Enjoy a more Solitary Adventure during the Journey, I'm comfortable with my own company too.  I always meet Friends along the way and Connect when or if I want or need to.  So whether there is a Carpool of runaways... or a Convoy of them that will hook up... or just me and the Open Road, it's all Good.  I've made many New Friends on previous Adventures and there's still many New Friends yet to be Discovered... as well as the Old Established Cherished Friendships that have abided.

And I don't know how long it's been since your last runaway and Great Adventure... but mine is long overdue and I'm getting Wanderlust BAD!!!  There are just so many places I want to go and things I still want to do.

It is very difficult for a Free Spirit to be anchored, tied down and stay put for long... we yearn to break free from constraints and routines because they stifle us.  I'm on the go a lot even when I have a Home Base, I'd Feel Caged and restricted otherwise and I'd be pacing around like a Wild Zoo Animal out of it's Element! 
So I've been cooped up too long already dealing with stuff and I'm itching for a Sabattical at the first opportunity that presents itself to have one!  Before the Trapped Feeling makes me want to knaw my own foot off Coyote Style?!?  *LOL*

And No, I don't yet have my Airstream Dream Pull to Pimp yet, or my Gypsy Vardo to Restore... and in all actuality it might just be a Fantasy now rather than any Future Reality and I've come to terms with that possibility.  It doesn't matter really, whatever means turn up will be just Fine and I'll roll with it, Adapt and Improvise... the Journey will be the Reward, but I'll still Dream about Improving the Experience one day.
I haven't even totally given up on Bora Bora nor taken it off the Number One Spot on my 'Bucket List'.   I'm tenacious about keeping a 'Bucket List' even if I haven't crossed off very much of it yet and clearly I'm not gettin' any Younger so Time could be running out?!!
We do have some Oasis Enclaves of Paradise here in the Arizona Desert... so I just often take myself there and get a similar Effect of a Tropical Vacation.
I think I would have to be an Immortal to check it all off anyway, I'm just that much of an Optomist when it comes to my 'List'!  *Winks*
But I'd rather like to Imagine that sooner or later some of it will get checked off if I Act upon running away with any consistency...
And if you run away before I do I certainly Hope you'll tell us all about it?  So that I can Live Vicariously through your Adventure in the Virtual World of the Land of Blog?  I don't mind being a Virtual Stowaway until the Real Deal happens for me, I have a Fertile Imagination to take myself Away in front of the screen too.
And we will still make Beautiful Music even if we go nowhere at all...
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The Fall Down The Rabbit Hole

Okay, so the Babysitting gig with the Church Lady didn't work out... but for entirely different reasons than I expected.  Prince R came down with severe stomach cramps again that kept him out of School... and the School Nurse called later the same day to ask me to pick Princess T up because she'd developed Pink Eye!!!  *Le Sigh* 

 It's Okay, they were having major anxiety attacks about being babysat by a stranger anyway, so now we don't have to deal with that added layer of Stress for them or I.   And since The Man cannot remember for more than a few minutes that I visited him anyway, he certainly won't remember that I missed an extra scheduled visit.

But since there was a major setback, I had wanted and needed to make extra visits to the Hospital... but that will be off the table now that Princess T has something contagious she has to have time to recover from.  Thankfully her Pediatrician got her in right away and she's a Trooper about any medications she has to take since that has been her usual routine since birth, so eye drops are no flash point in administering.
  And the Hospital Social Workers are great about updating me by phone about The Man and assisting me with dealing with the myriad of details mounting up in his care and projected care. He's had a Social Worker for every floor he's been on, so I practically have a Team of Social Workers now that have become my Posse with all the constant ups and downs in his condition.

And I had a brief lapse in judgment as Prince R and his Therapist convinced me that since he's now Thirteen I could probably leave him home alone for a brief time to take his Sister to her Doctor Appointment and sign some Paperwork at his Doctor's Office, so I wouldn't be dragging an extra Sick Kid along... they were wrong... apparently I can't! 

I came Home to the front door hanging open and him nowhere to be found... we thought he'd been abducted!  Princess T was more upset about that than I thought, considering they never get along, apparently she doesn't really want to be an Only Child in the household after all?  Thankfully, he'd just gone next door to the Salvation Army Church's After School Program, with his PJ's on and tussled hair, in typical Albert Einstein Fashion, to update them on his day... and I found him right away and unceremoniously brought him Home!  *Whew*  Okay, so we won't be doing that again anytime soon... or at least not until he turns Eighteen and I can Emancipate him!  My Heart and Wrecked Nerves can't take it!
Clearly you can see how this Single Grandparenting Thing has the complexities of a Victorian Hedge Maze and is akin to a fall down the Rabbit Hole into Wonderland... and not in a Good way!  But, we'll roll with it... since we have no other choice in the matter... and can't seem to keep anyone but me healthy in this household. 

Yes, I choose to Imagine I'm perfectly healthy anyway... in body, mind and Spirit... leave me be with that Illusion, Okay, even tho' I may be acting Mad as a Hatter and physically Feeling my Age more than usual with all this added Drama unfolding like a Bad Play or TV Soap Opera!!!

Oh, and remember how the Hospital suggested I Designate a Family Spokesperson so I wouldn't have to make a bajillion calls individually to the extended Family and Friends with updates about The Man so everyone can be adequately Informed without distressing me even more? 

Well, apparently said Spokesperson has gone somewhere out of range where the calls can't be received... Splendid... but I'm not re-designating, I don't have it in me... I'm just leaving Voicemail and he can deal with the potential backlash of that decision to be unavailable at a critical time.  If backlash were to come my way I am quite certain I would lose my whole Christian Witness in a heartbeat responding to it and go straight Apache on whoever is foolish enough to go there with me right now?!?  I don't care anymore to stroke anyone's Feelings, Emotions or deal with their Hysteria... I'm too Raw myself so I'm not in the Mood.

Crooky recently found himself left out in a torrential Storm and he became a Hot Mess in the Process of Dealing with it... caked in Mud and more than a lil pissed at his discomfort... I can relate to Crooky right now... Nice Dawn has left the building!  I'll only be Nice until someone gives me a reason NOT to be... then it won't be a Good day to be them either.  *LOL*
  Yes, I confess freely, I DO have my Dark Side, developed over many years in the Industry during my Corporate Lives.  Dealing with a Good Ole' Boy Network as a Female Corporate Officer, back in da day when Equal Rights and Respect for Women in the Workplace was a joke... as they say, we've come a long way Baby! But Dark Dawn, well, she's still alive and Well, so she can be Resurrected quite easily if Played wrong and anyone wants to have her come out and Play?!?  Fair Warning!  *Winks*
I remember when the Malls used to have those T-Shirt Shops where you could get all kinds of kitschy sayings emblazoned on them... The Man said he was gonna get me this one to wear to Work:
"I'm not A Bitch, I'm THE Bitch... and that's Mrs. Bitch to you!"  *Smiles*
And I was gonna get him this one to wear to Work:
"Marine Corps. Sniper... Don't run or you'll just die tired!"  *Winks*
I wish we'd gotten those Shirts actually because it became our little inside joke when anyone unduly Tested us, mistaking Niceness for Weakness.  *LOL*  We'd just glance at each other and know we were thinking about those sayings!!!  *Smiles*  

 Yes, we're very Nice people, on Purpose... I think you have to be Nice on Purpose and Intentionally, especially when you aren't dealing with Lovely situations or people being Unlovely at the time.  It Tests your Restraint... mine is just worn quite thin right now so the Nice in me is paper thin for those who become Unlovely towards me at this time. You'd be surprised how often when you're 'down', there will be those that think it would be Opportunistic and an Ideal time to Attempt to bully you, push their Agenda or make demands... because they Assume you'd be at your weakest point, easy to Exploit and particularly vulnerable.  For me that would be a dire miscalculation on their part since Nice Dawn steps aside... oops, now you've got Dark Dawn!  *LOL*  Yeah, definitely wrong door to open and step thru!
 Yep, there have already been some that chose THAT Door with me during this exceptionally difficult time... and I felt so much better after unleashing on them actually, they were Good Therapy unawares!  Cheaper than Therapy actually... so bring it on!  *Winks*  I doubt that they will though, once is usually enough and that's Okay, because I have Zero Tolerance for the Unlovely and the Difficult or High Maintenance People when I'm already going thru too much, it's an Annoyance I don't need or desire.  I barely Tolerate them on a Good Day, Life is too short to and they are typically Stressors for others.
The fall down the Rabbit Hole has really been quite the tumble this time around, just when you think you've finally hit the bottom and arrived, you free fall again... damn, this Rabbit Hole was deep and scary on the way down!
And who knew it would be the Velveteen Rabbit's Hole on my way to Alice's Wonderland?  And I can't help but think about the Skin Horse's Wisdom and Advice:

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.  "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"  "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."  "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.  "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."  "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"  "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."  "I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.


I agree with the Skin Horse... being Real is a Process over Time... but definitely worth the Experience to get there and 'Become'...
*Most Beautiful Images taken at my Friend Shelly's Shop RUST AND ROSES in Phoenix*
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Monday, August 26, 2013

Breaking Down...

Calls coming in at Four in the Morning from the Hospital are never a good Sign.   And now I can't sleep even though I've been at the brink of Exhaustion.  My mind just won't turn off as the rollercoaster of input and corresponding Emotions to the input are processed.  I feel as though I'm breaking down... very publicly in fact since I decided to Journal the Journey.  But even though I haven't felt like taking or making Phone Calls and have had to force myself to do both... or even to be around people, though I know Isolating wouldn't be healthy and so I've forced myself to go out... Blogging has been something that has preserved a measure of Sanity during the Insanity of the times I'm moving through right now.  It has offered Comfort and given Words to the deafening Silence of the Void at Home without The Man's presence.
It's probably good that many of my Favorite Shops are already decorating and Styling for Halloween... because it is a much easier Atmosphere for me to be around right now, than say, Valentine's Day.  I've always viewed Halloween as a Holiday to Connect to departed Loved Ones in Spirit and Honor them with Remembrance and Love.  Most of the Old One's have Passed from Time into Eternity and they were the ones I always sought Wisdom and Strength from in Life... so I still do so now, from beyond the Veil. 

I just received the sad news that yet another Old One passed this Month just a couple of days after my Birthday, a Dear Aunt on the Reservation.  Her Family will be in my Prayers and I know the Cousins probably hesitated to have me receive the news right now, but I'm glad they did.  She will be missed, a Life well lived, she was Married to my Dad's Older Brother. This is a Circa 1970's Image of my Aunt and I... I will always have fond Memories of her.

The G-Kid Force have been having chronic tummy aches, it's probably Stress related... and they're Emotionally as Raw as I have been... so just about anything can make us all quite Emotional.  I've been finding ways to keep them busy and give them a change of scenery, they spent the Weekend with Prince R's Aunt and Family, helping her paint and prepare for a move.  She said they were really good... I Suspect that's an exaggerated stretch of the Truth, given their behavior and emotions of late, but it made me feel good to hear it, so I'm choosing to Believe it.  
A Sweet Woman from my Husband's Church, that we don't even know, is volunteering to babysit them Tuesday after School, so I can spend more time at the Hospital without rushing back and forth.  I have never left my Children or my Grandchildren with a hired babysitter or anyone we don't know well... so this was not an easy Blessing or Help for me to Receive.  I'm trying to have a Peace about it... as are the G-Force, since Receiving Help outside of our Inner Circle has become Necessary. 
Thankfully she has Experience with Children with Special Needs, she will likely have to drawn from that Experience. And even if it doesn't work out, I put it out there that I wouldn't be the least bit offended if it's a  one-time offer... we've had that happen before, it's not something you definitely know you'll be up to 'til  you try and experience The Force.   I appreciate a good try and am Grateful for it.  I know that a little bit of them goes a long way.  If I wasn't Raising them, I might not be high on the Short List of Willing Volunteers for extended Babysitting gigs... though we Love them with all our Heart...  just keepin' it real!!
And so... as Five in the Mornin' rolls in... I'm still Processing the input of that Call from the Hospital... and Meditating upon the turn of events as I turn it all over to the Lord... as I'm certain He's up all Night anyway...
*All Beautiful Images were taken at my Friend Carol's Lovely "COTTAGE GARDEN I" Shop*
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian 

A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl