Thursday, April 30, 2015

Changing Things Up

Sometimes you get to the place where Self-Evaluation becomes absolutely necessary... I'm standing at That Place right now... Evaluating and Changing Things Up!  I know I've been wasting Precious Time Compromising in important areas of things I'm doing, because it was just easier than beating my own drum loudly while The Band went in other directions that weren't my preferred Path.  Lets face it, if you're Leading where nobody is Following, well, you're just taking a Walk aren't you?  *Smiles*  And though I thoroughly Enjoy taking Walks and don't mind if anyone comes along or not, I didn't want to be idly Strolling when it came to Selling Off my Treasures.  I don't take myself too Seriously or my Stuff, but the whole point after all was to make some Bank to Bless my Family, to Suppliment a Fixed Income and get these Grandkids Raised.  So I HAVE to be more Serious about it really... and I haven't been.

Also, this Compromising Thing goes totally against the grain of my Character really, because though I absolutely Love People and Socializing is such a Joy, I have always tended to be more of a Loner and Happily Trailblaze my own Paths when it comes to what I'm actually DOING and have a Passion for.  Whether it be Popular or not, I Cared not... I like to Create my own Environment... bringing more Beauty into my World and bringing Fantasies to Life, that's just what I DO.   But when I began Selling, I felt it would be Retail Suicide not to pay Attention to what the Demographic desired and would actually purchase... so began the Compromise part of it.  Gack... I felt like I was Selling Out just a little at times... and then a little more... and a little more... just so the Checks would get bigger.  Until, I wasn't Feeding my Soul anymore, it Felt more like I was Selling it!

And lemme tell ya something, I have found that I'm an absolutely lousy Compromiser and Soul Seller, even if I can make Bank doing it Successfully or receive Praise and Accolades about how Well I'm doing it.   I'm probably as lousy at Compromise as I am about Editing in fact, because neither comes very Naturally to me... I'm just not cut out to be an Editor, nevermind one who Compromises as well!  *LOL*   Feeding my Soul has always been way more Important to me than the Monetary outcome regarding what I find in the Thrill of the Hunt or what I Create in my Studio.   So... how to Meld the two Successfully has been quite the tightrope walk for me these past three years in the Industry and testing the waters to see if I really want to jump in deep or not?

I mean, what HAPPENED to all of that Positive Energy and Enthusiasm, the Excitement and the Passion from 2013 when it first began and was so Fresh and Vibrant I Wondered?   Awww... wasn't she a Cutie Pie Munchkin just those few short years ago?   I Forget sometimes how fast they're Growing Up until I fondly look back and Reminisce.   And sometimes you have to take a brief look back to Remember why you began a Journey in the first place, or at least I do.  I'm not so Great at looking or even glancing back even tho' I'm a very Nostalgic Soul... I'm always so Eagerly looking forward to New Journeys and Destinations.  Over time though my Memory seems to Erase some of the Checklist of things that initially Motivated me and Moved me enough to begin a Journey or make an Important Decision.

Sometimes Time and Circumstances will cause you to drift off course as well... and if you're not firmly anchored and careful, well, you might have to set sail again to get back to Center and back on course so that you're not just pushed along by the current anywhere it takes you.   They say only dead fish always go with the current... swimming against the current and upstream is way more My Style and I know it.  I'm not the complete Rebel and Militant Free Spirit that I used to be in my Youth, I have Mellowed... well, some would contest that Observation... but I THINK I have anyways?  *Winks*  In this Season of Life being Mellow-er is just very Comfortable and Serene, I like it.  But at times it becomes necessary to roll up the doormat and make it a club because I'm not THAT Comfortable and Mellow in my Senior Years.  *Smiles*  The Young Prince whose quickly entered Manhood is my Analytical One and he has begun to ask me, "What would you RATHER be Doing Gramma?"   Good Question, let me Meditate upon that Sage Wisdom Grasshopper!  *LOL*  Kids can be quite Profound, they don't tend to over-think things or overlook the obvious.  He sees how Restless and Frustrated I've become.
They're also far more FEARLESS... where HAS MY Fearlessness gone?  When did I become more Timid about anything... it just doesn't Feel right to be the least bit that way!?  So after Changing some Things Up considerably it became more fluid, less stagnant and to Feel Right again... like the Equilibrium was being Restored... like I was being Restored, Regenerated, Resurrected or whatever the Hell other "R" Words were replacing that uncomfortable Suspended Animation and Limbo... or Pergatory... I'd felt I'd accidentally entered and threatened to become stuck in!  *Gasp*  Yes, it had Felt like an Episode of the Old Twilight Zone to be Compromising and going with the flow downstream to God knows what potential cesspool or abyss was waiting at the other end?!
And what about this Giving Up crap I'd actually been Contemplating... with one foot almost out the door already?   Had I suddenly been Possessed by some Weak ass Spirit or something?  Call the Exorcist, gotta get that out of me quick because White Flag hoisting has never been an option on my Watch... I must have fallen asleep whilst on Point and a Good Wake-Up Call was necessary, even if it was ME having to shake myself awake and do an Intervention to demand Self-Evaluation and where I'm AT right now?  And where do I want to BE?  And am I even moving in that General Direction for Heaven's Sakes??!??!   Being a Wanderer does not mean you have to be Lost, even if you are not quite certain yet where the Journey is taking you or if you'll actually have a firm Destination or not?  I do like the Call of the Open Road... and I do often get very Restless... it's a Time such as this that demands Chartering the course more Seriously rather than Mindlessly moving along. And giving Oneself a swift kick in the arse doesn't hurt either... *Smiles*
Blessings from the Journey in progress through the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Dreaming Interrupted

Dreaming Interrupted... dontcha just Hate that?!  It's my own fault really, being a Passionate Dreamer, because I tend to be out the Gate, rushing full speed ahead when even the slightest hint of Opportunity to fulfill a Dream or enlarge a Vision presents itself.   There I go galloping full tilt across the Canvas of my Imagination before I really even know if things will play out as Envisioned or Hoped for?  I already see it as a Done Deal with Wild Imaginings of how it will be, how it will feel, what I'm gonna do... in my unguarded unbridled Optimism.  Before I know for sure what obstacles or closed doors will stand in the way and crush or abort the Dream before it can even draw it's first actual breath!!!   Some things work out... some things just don't.


Yeah, as one door closes another one might open unexpectedly and extend what seems to be a Welcome Invitation and stroke of Good Luck, as just happened recently yet again for me regarding changing Showrooms, only to prove to be an Illusion... a Mirage... not meant to be either.  It's hard NOT to get at least a little Excited and have that Adrenalin Rush that comes with Possibilities and Wonderful Opportunities!   But I don't get just a little Excited, I get a LOT Excited, it's just apparently how I'm Hard-Wired and pumping the brakes is not even remotely in Mind because I'm always so damned Confident it will all work out for my own Good.

   I'd almost rather not be Baited or Tempted with a potential Opportunity that just doesn't pan out or didn't actually Exist... thus bypassing that sting of disappointment, rejection and frustration setting in again... I just don't need it... it is a catalyst for Bad Energy to Manifest and un-necessary Dramas to unfold.  I prefer to be a Drama Free Mama... that's how I prefer to Roll... leaving the behind the scenes Politics and equally irritable stuff to those who don't mind Dealing with it... I'd rather not.

I was just licking my wounds of the last Showroom debacle and getting Over it in fact, so to be Enticed with yet another one, an even more Perfect one, that I'd been Jonesin' for almost three years, seemed too Good to be True!!!   Yeah, I know... I know... if it seems too Good to be True... it usually is too Good to be True and then you Feel like a Fool for Believing it's Real.   But there I was, getting all Excited and giddy about what seemed like an unexpected Blessing falling right into my lap and right into place... an Open Door I was quite ready and willing to step through and could see absolutely no valid reason not to play out in my Favor... I was Ecstatic in fact!  


In my Head I'd already started making Plans... I know, Foolish stuff when you count your Chickens before they Hatch and all.   Especially when there are Foxes in the Hen House.  Internal Politics in any Organization always drive me completely Crazy, even though I am not naive enough to assume they don't exist just about everywhere and anywhere, because they do.   I don't mind so much that they exist so long as I'm not drawn into them any kind of way in fact, I want to be out of that Loop.   I prefer to leave the Posturing, the Politics, the unmerited Favor, the Wheeling N Dealing and all and any other BS that goes along with it to those that thrive in Drama and Game Playing, I don't have the Time nor the Patience though, so it just ends up pissing me off.


And it's best when I'm in Pissed Off Mode to just step back, re-assess and regroup.   To decide if it's actually worth wasting an iota of my precious Time upon or not... it's usually NOT.   And so though the Dreaming was rudely Interrupted when an Opportunity Presented to me quite unexpectedly just didn't work out... on the coat-tails of a previous one that played out in much the same irritating way... I went to my FOR REAL Happy Place and not a Pretend One... my Art Studio Cottage.   And it seems as though Spirit decided to hang out with me and allowed itself to be Revealed through the Eye of my Lens as I Happily snapped Images of what and where I Love to be without all the BS Intruding and leaving Toxic Trails. 

I'm beginning to think that Selling at an Antique Mall is probably just not for me... tho' for now it's serving it's very limited Purpose and is a means to an end... plus, I like what I DO... just not Dealing with any of the extraneous behind the scenes crap that goes along with it at times.   I have met some New Friends through the Experience and they've been an absolute Delight and I'm Thankful for that part of my Exposure to this Journey that has been a new one for me since I'd never done it before and have no previous Experience in this particular Industry and how it works.

I know I'm on a Learning Curve and perhaps this is all very Typical and Normal... I had been Forewarned that backbiting, favoritism and Drama can pollute the waters depending upon the mix of characters and personalities thrown together and co-existing.   I suppose that is why turnover is a perpetual problem and quite high, I'm always Saddened to see the really Stellar Vendors leave.   I always try to make a list of Pros and Cons of anything I'm Invested in and weigh the Positives versus the Negatives.  When the balance tips in an unfavorable direction, it's Time to consider other Options... I suppose I'm at that juncture on whether to continue and just stay in my own little Bubble and Sequestered in my own Little World, unfazed by whatever transpires outside of it... or do something completely different?


I haven't made an absolute decision yet, but I can tell which way I'm leaning right now.  Right now I'm spending a lot more Time in my Studio and at other places that have High Positive Energy that is Wonderful Fuel to propel a Dreamer forward and not hold them back, hinder or stifle them.  I know that I will always Travel and adjust my Journey towards that which moves towards the Light and Illuminates... that which Feeds the Soul.   So, I Trust that it will all be alright in the end... and if it's not alright, then it's just not the end... or perhaps just not the Right Placement?

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Monday, April 27, 2015

Maybe I'll Just Become A Corona Girl

 Okay... so now you know how the Post got it's Title!  *Winks*   This is about as close as I'll get to having my Girlish Figure back I think.  *LOL*   When Princess T isn't being pre-pubescent Demonic I can actually still take her out for a relatively Peaceful and Drama Free Girl's Day Out together.  Having a lot of serious Behavioral Issues with her lately and she's going thru a lot of Teachers at School... having trouble Coping they are... they should try to Deal with her twenty-four-seven and without backup!  *Whew!*  If any other Placement Guardians are Raising Maturing Meth Babies I know they understand it's not strictly Hormonal and the Normal Phases most Kiddos go thru... this is some heavy stuff... so Gramma Dawn could really have used a Corona about as big as that one sitting next to me some days!  *Smiles*   And any Zen Days I can manage to arrange when she's not quite so volatile and going wheels off the rails with Emotional Regulation Issues and extreme Mood Swings is savored.  Each day is a new Adventure with these Kiddos and The Man, it's a Wonder I haven't turned to the Firewater to take the edge off!   *LOL*  So yes, we hit the far East Side Favorite Haunts while dropping her Big Brother off at his Paternal Relatives for the Weekend and Enjoyed visiting RUSTY SATURDAY, MY DESERT COTTAGE and THE SALVAGE YARD among other Delightfully Stimulating Destinations.  Now pass that Corona will ya?


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... where I'm still unfortunately Sober... Dawn... The Bohemian 

Saturday, April 25, 2015

It's Now Officially A Collection... And Arizona Dreamin'

They say if you have three or more of something it is Officially a Collection.  I just procured my third Ostrich Egg, so it's now Officially a Collection.  Each of my Ostrich Eggs is totally different, one is blown out and hollow, one has an unhatched mummified Ostrich inside, and this newest acquisition is Faberge' Style Egg Art and totally Blinged Out and absolutely Fabulous.

Imagine my Surprise when I found it whilst Goodwill Hunting and for a pittance!   We weren't even going to be Thrift Shop Trawling until Princess T insisted she needed new Wardrobe and Shoes since she's growing like a Weed.  We had just dropped the Young Prince off at Paternal Relatives on the far East Side for the Weekend, so why not, it was now our Girl's Day Out and we were reveling in it.

I was totally Jazzed to procure said Egg and the low price made my Heart skip a beat and squeal on the inside!!!   I practically snatched it out of the hands of the Elderly Male Clerk showing it to me from behind the Jewelry Counter, though I was trying to play it off as Cool, Calm and Collected!  *LOL*   It was definitely one of those Angelic Singing Host Moments as my Magpie Eyes glistened at the sight of beholding the Bejeweled Golden Egg!  Yes, this Egg HAD to come Home to MY Nest!

And here is the "Collection" in all it's Glory at Home... though it doesn't yet have a permanent location... lately hardly anything does as I'm deep into a Home Purging and everything is in complete disarray and chaos.   But just having those "Keeper" items here and there in haphazard temporary Displays encourages me that one day perhaps everything will be in Order and just enough instead of too much that needs to be Let Go!?!

Lately I've been Fantasizing a lot about how I'd like the End Result to look in each room.  Even though it is indeed a gargantuan Project of Epic proportions, because I have let everything get way out of hand, I am Hopeful that eventually I can become a lot less disorganized as I work my way towards the lofty Goal I've set for myself?  For a Human Magpie it is no easy feat since we simply cannot resist bringing Home shiny and interesting objects every so often.

And this type of shiny AND interesting Object that would Create a Collection, well, it was certainly not getting left behind or I would have been in Forever Regret Mode of passing on the opportunity.  Yes, it is worth relinquishing the required five or more other items for in the Great Edit and Purge set of Rules I've Enforced for myself.   Okay, so lets take a peek inside shall we? 

There are three little padded bed options in three hues... not quite sure what they ever held, were supposed to hold, or even will hold in the Future... but it matters not.   The interior glistens like an Ice Cave with encrusted Icy Crystal Glitter.   See... I told you it was Fabulous!!!

We had a Wonderful Girl's Day Out and hit a few other Favorite Shops on that side of Town, which I will regale you with in Future Posts.  But our main Focus this day, while it was Cool and very Breezy, so we rode around with all the windows down and the brisk wind blowing through our hair, was to Indulge in Dreaming and Visual Fantasies about the Perfect Neighborhood and New Home.  You see, we LOVE this Historic Old Home of ours... but in recent years we no longer like how the old neighborhood has seriously declined... and since we can't pick it up and move it... well, we have Fantasy Quests about Greener Pastures, even if we never actually Act upon them. 

Now... because we LOVE this Old House and it would be tough to replace or give up, we're extremely Picky about any Fantasy Dream Home that would replace it mind you... because we can be, since we're only Indulging in Visual Fantasies of the Highest Calibre.  *Winks*    But we found one that took our breath away... and even though the winding Mountain Roads around it were like the Streets of San Francisco and made our Hearts race too since we're both rather squeamish of rollercoaster type heights and cresting roads that look like they drop off into nothingness giving you a Belly Flop feeling... this was The One we Fantasized about owning Today.


It was a corner Home resembling a Castle or Fortress with the combination Rock and Pueblo Style Architecture... this was the side view as you were going UP the steep Mountainside...

Rounding the corner on the equally steep decline DOWN, that was a tummy mid air suspender, was the entrance... with Lovely Turrets and plenty of Chimney Counts and Outdoor Patio Decks on the upper levels.  *Swooning*   And the Neighborhood was so Eclectic, Peaceful and the Views all around it Fabulous beyond Belief! 

Yes, we both were Imagining what the Interior must look like... your Imagination can be so Fertile it might even transcend the Reality of ANY Interior.   Princess T was picking out where her Room would be located in said Dream Home.  *LOL*   Yes, if I was going to give up this Old House, it would have to be to move to something like this, in a Neighborhood just like this one, that's for sure... and it's Fun to Dream about Possibilities.

And about what it would be like to have this View?!!?!??   Yes, this is the back side of said Dream Home as you looked up at it from the Street directly below... as it is perched on a Glorious set of Mountainsides in the North Phoenix area we'd definitely consider Movin' On Up to, like the Old Jefferson's Sitcom Ditty would chant!  *LOL*   Well... mebbe one day...

With Blessings and Visual Dreams... from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl