Monday, May 22, 2017

Rust & Roses ~ Quiet Meanderings



While out and about during my two day foray I did seem to have better luck with the Photography I took at my Friend Shelly's Shop RUST & ROSES, every Image turned out!   So I didn't feel like a total failure for the Photo Shoots taken both days, the good Imagery helped me save face with myself!  *LOL*




Well, some weren't as crisp as others, but they were presentable enough to Share at least and not have to ditch while Editing for my Post!   Lately I have been pushing myself hard to accomplish a lot before the weather gets too brutally Hot, so perhaps I'm just more fatigued than usual?




The Young Prince will be attending Comicon for four days at the end of next week, he can hardly wait... and I'll be getting my Dreads next Sunday, I can hardly wait either!  *Smiles*   I ordered some Nag Champa scented DOLLYLOCKS Dreadlock Shampoo and it smells Divine, just like the Essential Oil Perfume I always wear, so it will layer nicely with my signature scent.




Princess T's last day of School is Wednesday and she only has a half day... alas, The Young Prince doesn't get out of his Charter School for Summer Break until early June.   I will be so glad to have the Freedom to sleep in, do what I want without having to rush Home to retrieve Children from School, do so much commuting to get Kiddos to and from School, or deal with Homework and IEP's for Summer Break!  I don't know whose Happier, the Grands or I?!?  *Winks*




Of coarse the New Challenge will be Child Boredom, which will set in quite quickly because Modern Children seem to lack Imagination when it comes to entertaining themselves.   Modern Children seem to require megadoses of stimulation and an entertainment Director at their disposal or they're claiming they can't find anything to do!  Doesn't matter if they own everything under the Sun, it's apparently not sufficient to hold their interest for long!?!




Their definition of Go Play and mine are apparently Worlds apart, they seem to think I should be involved in this Play, as they define it... when was the last time you saw Seniors at Play?  *LOL*  Yes, I will Play various Board Games, but beyond that I'm just not in my Prime anymore for Playing.  *Smiles*  The first words out of their mouths on any Day Off from School is always, "What are WE gonna do Today Gramma?"  Usually those words are spoken in my ear while I'm still asleep... it seems to bother them to see me still Sleeping past Sunup!!!




Yes, some of my Senior Friends who aren't raising their Grandchildren like to remind me that quite soon enough I'll miss that they don't want to Hang Out with me anymore and consume all of my time.   I want to slap them when they say that... I've been Hanging Out with this duo daily for almost 17 years and almost 12 years respectively... I miss having NO time to myself, that's what I miss!   I want to Hang Out with Grandchildren like a NORMAL Grandparent... mebbe an hour or so once in a Blue Moon, spoil 'em rotten and then send 'em Home to torment their Parents like you're supposed to!  *LMAO*




Because hanging out with this duo is not your average Hang Out with your average Kiddo and even if I were of a Normal Parenting Age it would still kick my ass!   Children in general possess infinite Energy... Hyper Children with Mental Health and/or other Special Needs not only have infinite Energy, their inability to Mood Regulate or possess any kind of Stability means they can turn on you on a dime!  You can go from having Fun and being their Bestie to NOT having Fun any more and being The Enemy in the blink of an Eye!!!  




It's like Hanging Out with Dr. Jekyll and Mister Hyde... or Pod People whose bodies get snatched and replaced by demon spawn at any given point in time during any given day... and you never know when it's gonna happen!   Your Sweet Docile Grandchild whose gushing over how much they Love you and want to go have a Good Time with you can suddenly take you to Hell and back for no apparent reason!!!  And when that Switch happens, you don't have any desire to Hang Out with them anymore and especially in Public!   Yes, I Love unconditionally... but Hanging Out with The Force can be a double edged sword so much of the time with either of them.




He's a bit easier now that he's almost 17 because most of the time he doesn't want to spend time with any of us... unless he has a hidden Agenda and ulterior Motives... and we're Okay with that!  *Smiles*   When he's too Nice to me and sucking up I get instantly suspicious and on guard!  *LOL*   He knows it too, so we usually just cut to the chase and drop the facade... whaddya want NOW and just lay your cards on the table Boy... I'm on to ya!  *Winks*




I'm Bankrolling Comicon so he's being particularly Pleasant to me, I have leverage.  *Winks*   It's harder to have leverage with the Other One, she's a slippery one when it comes to finding the Currency that will Control her successfully and gain the upper hand.  *Dammit!*   She'll punish her own self if she thinks it will punish everyone around her... she's The Punisher like that... and revels meting it out!   Sometimes I swear that Child actually Enjoys being Miserable, Malcontent and Morose!??!??




Of coarse she's at that stage of Puberty now where we knew it was coming... when the Ratchet Bitch Mode would come forth out of the once Sweet Child who could be our absolutely Adorable Princess.  *Le Sigh*  Now she's become The Antagonist... the proverbial Queen Of Hearts that drags you down her Rabbit Hole and is demanding Off With Their Heads when she doesn't get her own way!!!  In fact they had a Play this past week at her School and they cast her as The Queen Of Hearts, I'm not kidding!  The Young Prince dryly says, "Well, that's appropriate..."  *Bwhahahaha!!!*




She was just Happy to be cast as a Powerful Queen, regardless of if ferocious and evil!  *LOL*  Oh Yes, The Princess T is quickly growing up into The Queen Of Hearts my Friends and is a Force to be reckoned with.  This is why Hanging Out with her, even tho' she always wants me to, is dicey!   We have yet to get thru an entire Hanging Out day without things going Left you see... so it's a Wrap the moment she gets Unlovely.   Because two Powerful Queens clashing can be quite the spectacle otherwise!  *Winks*
  



And yet, I STILL have delusions of actually sleeping in during Summer Break... and not having to go anywhere Under Protest or coercion... of having Quiet Meanderings and Me Days... Uh Huh... Dream On!

*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Sweet Salvage ~ Sweet Retreats ~ An Impaired Eye



An impaired Eye, that's what I seem to have lately when I'm Photographing things and it's driving me crazy because I don't quite know why?  The volume of frames that have been crappy lately is disheartening to say the least.  I think it's time for a new Camera so I won't lose interest in a Hobby I had begun to really Enjoy tremendously.




When you see a thing of Beauty with the Naked Eye and then try to capture it Ideally thru the Eye of the Lens, sometimes it works... and sometimes it's a dismal failure.   When it works there's nothing quite like it and it makes for great Coverage and Excellent Blog fodder.  When it fails, well... it's like trying to make something good out of something second rate and the OCD in me gets disturbed!  *LOL*




This was part of an Outstanding Vignette in Real Life, bringing a Rush of Nostalgia of my Pad in the early 70's and a definite Connection... so I Photographed the Hell out of it.  This lackluster Image was the only semi-presentable Outcome of several frames.  *Le Sigh*  It's one of several dismal failures of this particular day's Photography Shoot... actually TWO days worth!  So much for Second Chances and getting it right the 2nd time!  *Double Sigh!*




I take too many Images on Purpose, to get the best possible Outcome... and most of the time it works by the law of averages.   Lately it hasn't been working and it's been frustrating since I have Enjoyed The Process, but not the Outcome at all.  You want to get better at something, not worse... and my impaired Eye is self evident so I'm trying to figure it all out.




I don't want to have to borrow the Photography of others to Cover anything, I'd much rather take my own because that's the Fun part.   Well, usually it is if you can get some decent Images out of it... but lately, I haven't been getting decent results of any Photography I'm doing... and it's just Strange... why not?  Editing hasn't been difficult since 99.9% of what I've Photographed hasn't turned out and I don't like it.




So I do believe I'll be seeking a new Camera in earnest to see if that will help at all?   I don't want to just give up doing something I've been Enjoying, I had been improving and then... tanked!   I don't know if this is common or not, I just know when I download lately it's been rather dismal and lean pickins.




And I apologize for that here in The Land Of Blog where the Sharing goes on.  Crappy Photography isn't something I particularly have a high tolerance for.  Great Photography is something I thoroughly Enjoy beholding and so I want for mine to be at least decent.   This shot I liked... it's not Ideal but at least it Showcased the Vignette and content adequately.




I was getting doubts that I'd have enough decent pixs to even Create the Finale' Post actually?   And it was a really good Show with tons of Fantastic Inventory, Lovely Vignettes to Display it and plenty of Inspiration for Decorating.  My Coverage of it didn't do it Justice and that's unfortunate because Experiencing it was Enjoyable, so I did so want to Share that and capture it thru the Eye of my Lens.




It was almost as if some Vignettes didn't want to be Photographed by me... really... several frames of them... all crap and elusively not cooperating in front of my Lens!  *LOL*   Others were much easier, like this one... this one worked out... but Why?  Photography can be a very Strange Art Form like that actually... some days you're 'On' and others you are totally 'Off'... and yet it doesn't Feel any different in the Doing of it!




It was a more relaxed Event this time around so I wasn't even Rushing and the Crowds were quite manageable.   I could frame my shots and not worry about getting people in frame accidentally... so what exactly went awry?  I can't say... I thought I was gonna have some really good Images to Share... disappointing that so many were really bad.




But such is Life, I'm not giving up... but I am going to Save up for that new Camera next Month, it's high on the List of indulgences.  I'll feel a lot more confident that with a Quality Camera it can compensate for my shortcomings? *Winks*   Well, that's my Solution to the Problem, so we'll have to see how that plays out?  *Smiles*




And that's also why I haven't felt much like Blogging lately... few Images to Create a decent Post with and tho' I don't mind a Wordless Post, I am Bored to death with a Pictureless one!  *LOL*  It's True, there might be Fascinating Blogs out there that only tell a Story but the Post has no Images and so I can't even read them to find out if the Story was worth sticking around for.   I don't know why, that's just how I'm apparently hard wired!





Something has to hold my interest and nothing does that quite like Fab Imagery since I'm a very Visual Person.   I can spend hours reading or looking at Blogs that have good Photography going on.   The exception would be the humorous Blogs where the Writer's wit and Writing Style can hold my attention and I want to read more, voraciously.  




I think my attention span is still impaired even after all these years of trying to discipline myself to having a better one?   One that can last more than a nanosecond before my Mind begins to wander, lose interest and flit from subject to subject.  Photography has been the one thing I can actually be attentive with when I'm doing it, so it's slowed the speed of my thoughts way down, which is a good thing.




If you've never had racing thoughts, impulsivity and an attention deficit then you probably can't relate, if you have then you know exactly what I'm conveying.  I was actually going to purchase this faux Lemonade set and I don't even know why since I had no use nor place for it and so I put it back.   I'm getting better at reigning in impulsive decision making... now... if only I can get back to getting better at Photography I'll be Golden my Friends!  *Smiles*




But in the meantime you might have to endure some less than stellar Photography as I muddle thru this impaired Eye thing that seems to be going on all of a sudden and plaguing me.   Because I don't want to quit Blogging any more than I want to quit Photography... I just want to keep improving at both... which is sometimes easier said than done...




*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Sweet Salvage ~ Sweet Retreats ~ And Severed Deer Noses



Usually I attend the Event solo now since my usual schedule is so... unusual.  I don't expect any Friends to be able to accommodate the schedule of mi vida loca, so it's rare that I get to meet up with any one of them during my Girl's Day Out and do anything special together for any length of time.  




 But since I didn't have to fly off hastily on Thursday to retrieve a Grandchild from School, I was able to meet up with my Friend Pamela for Lunch.   We hadn't been able to do that in a very long time so there was much catching up to do, much rambling conversation of topics that to us, as Friends, are completely Normal... but to the casual bystander... well... not so much!  *LOL*




  So our Young Waiter rolls up on us right as I'm saying, "So, I bought this Taxidermy Deer Nose..." and he couldn't keep it together, he bursts into laughter and profusely apologizes.  Clearly he's rolled up on a lot of conversations, but this one caught him completely off guard and he had to hear the back story of, it intrigued him. 




 We forget that these aren't Normal conversations for most people... but for me, well, my Friends are more shocked that I actually sent them a Text Message or finally upgraded and bought a Printer than the fact I've got a severed Deer Nose in my Truck in a plastic bag!  Because for ME that IS the Norm and doesn't shock them one iota or even raise an Eyebrow!  *LMAO*  




 The back story goes something like this, my Friend Shelly had a decrepit Deer Mount with repairs on it's ears that consisted of Beaded Vintage Fabrics, I was in Love. {Original Chance Encounter Meeting above, circa 2016.}  But I was also broke at the time so said Deer made the Trip to the Round Top Texas Show with her and it's nose fell off in transit!  *Oh Deer!*




  I still wanted it, poor now forsaken un-adoptable thing... and decided I could give it a Nose Job... so we worked something out, but she wasn't sure she still had the severed Nose.   I ordered one online, Yes, you can do that and the shipping will cost more than the Nose... but in the interim she found the original severed Nose and presented it in a plastic bag when I came into the Shop this day.  Thus I had a good Story and a severed Deer Nose in the Truck as we sat down to have Lunch.  Because that's how my Life Rolls... unusual... random... okay, Weird!




And besides, who can resist irresistible Funky repairs like this when you're a Fabric Artist and general Weirdo as to what Aesthetic you gravitate to?   Regardless of the condition of the rest of the Mount, it's an Artistic Challenge now to Restore it using more Vintage Fabrics and E-6000!  *LOL*  Post surgical cosmetically Creative repairs will be forthcoming in Future Posts.




So anyway, our Adorable Waiter hovers around our booth more attentive than usual, because I'm quite certain now he doesn't want to miss anything of our quirky conversation!?  *Bwahahahahaha!!!*  It helps that the Waiter Station is right behind our Booth, Ideal for eavesdropping... the Waiter Station was very busy and animated, even tho' the Restaurant clearly wasn't this day.  *Winks*  I don't mind, Hell, this is gonna be a Story he's certain to re-tell, right, coz you can't make shit like this up?!  *Ha ha ha*




So... there's these two seemingly Normal Ladies sitting in a Booth at The Spaghetti Factory... talking about severed animal parts as if it's completely Normal... and one has them in her Truck in a plastic bag in our parking lot!!!  *LMAO*   My Friend and I mused about what if I got pulled over on the ride Home and the Officer says, Lady, what's in the bag?  *Bwahahahahaha!!!*  I've had Weirder things in my vehicle... or Hell, even in my Purse, I ain't gonna lie!  And it barely ever occurs to me... this isn't actually 'Normal' thru the Filters of most of Society! 




But as a full time Caregiver, my Life isn't deemed Normal by most standards and so the Abnormal and Normal kinda become entirely subjective and blurred to me actually.   What is perfectly Normal to me in daily Life is entirely foreign to most people and I cannot often relate to their Normalcy of Life.   The Milestones their Children had, most of the ones I've raised rarely, if ever, had due to the Nature of their Disabilities.  The Milestone Years and Friends talking about it were sometimes Painful for me actually, since ours would be quite different or non-existent.




And even if you have some healthy Children and Grandchildren, the Grief never actually goes away for the Milestones the Disabled ones probably won't have and get to Enjoy like everyone else takes for Granted.   The same goes with Disabled Spouses missing out on what Couples get to do together when both are healthy.  There is a Grieving Process that occurs for what has been Lost and will never be, you have to Mourn it to move past it and get on with Life as YOU know it... different... abnormally 'Normal' for you.




Does this then skew what you gravitate to... do you then see the Abnormal as somehow Normal to you?  I'm not sure, but I think it could and then you don't think about it very much as you just keep moving on with your version of Normalcy.   And it doesn't hit you... or even your Friends that have known you a very long time... until some random person brings it Home and to your attention that this isn't Usual... Typical... and is even a bit Shocking... somewhere in the Twilight Zone actually!  *Bwahahahahahaha!!!*




But I must say it does make Life more Interesting to say the least... this absence of Normal!  *Winks*  And a bit hilarious in the re-telling of it actually, this is the stuff Comedy Routines are often born of... the absurdities that can be Life.   So as I mingle with the crowds at the Event, most of whom probably don't have severed Animal parts in plastic bags in their vehicles... I can blend in... be perceived... almost... as having this Normal Life!  Well, until a conversation is initiated that is... *Winks*




And I Confess that sometimes, Yes, I do muse as to what it would be like to live this Life of Normalcy most people seem to have?   How would I go about my daily existence if things were absolutely Normal and Typical at Home?  How would it Feel and more importantly, how would that have shaped me differently I Wonder? 




 Would I be more inclined, like many living a Life of Normalcy seem to, to sweat the Small Stuff and Freak Out about trifles, things that barely matter, because they would then be Big Deals to me?   Because when you Live the Extreme Life of Extreme Parenting and Full Time Caregiving your Crisis are typically wheels off the rails Epic In-Your-Face Big Deals.




Instead of such 'Worries' as whether you Child will be Accepted into a particular College your 'Worries' are more in line with will my Child be Accepted anywhere in Society whatsoever!!?!??!   Will they even receive the most basic Education they are by Law entitled to within their abilities to receive it?  To ensure they have a still unlevel playing field to compete with the healthy folks for employment, housing, medical Care and the very basics of Independent Living and mere Survival!?




Will my Spouse Survive long enough for us to grow Older together... and will I outlive them so that I won't have to die worrying about who will take Care of them in my Absence?  A Catch 22 dilemma to be sure... and ones I don't think about at all when I'm having my Respite Days.  Or fixate upon hardly at all ANY day actually, because it would leave me paralyzed with a myriad of worry and concerns that I don't have a lot of Control over anyway.  So why think about and worry about what is out of my hands?




I would rather just Blissfully take it one day at a time when I can... and focus upon what is Uplifting and Inspiring to me, putting all worries aside and banishing them from my Thoughts.   Whatever you Think upon tends to expand and as it grows it dominates, so therefore I'd rather Think upon what is Positive than what is Negative.  I'd rather fixated upon turn of the Century Ephemera from a County Jail Audit that I can snag for a buck or two and has Divine penmanship!  *Smiles*




I would rather my Mind wander and allow my Magpie's Eye to as well, to see the Beauty of Life where ever and as it just unfolds before me.   Being Mindful and Present in just this Moment, which I can handle a single Moment in Time pretty well.  And revel in whatever Normalcy I can glean out of it on those rare days where I can just Be Present in Divine Moments I do Control and have Options over.




And Laugh about the absurd stuff of Life, of the Abnormalcy of mi vida loca when I'm Sharing it with others.  I can usually Laugh AFTERWARDS... if not in the actual Moments of Real Time as it rolls out.   And the Laughter rather than the Tears of it all is my conscious Choice.  Because tho' we may not be able to change many things and we certainly cannot change People, we can in fact change our reaction to it ALL... and our perspective of it.




Embracing what IS instead of continuously lamenting over what IS NOT is something I do sometimes struggle with and wrestle with daily.  Only because Normalcy of Life plays out all around me and reminds me of what we're missing out on... what could be... and is not... and it isolates all the more at times.  One wants to be inclusive and a participant of the Life Process with those around you... but if yours is a different Reality, that can be a particular Challenge.




I'm typically up to a Challenge... but the Reality is, that sometimes it's easier to Restore a ravaged decrepit Deer Mount than it is to Restore Normalcy to an Abnormal Life situation for which there are no Cures, no Miracles Manifesting all of the time... but we still wait on them for the Sublime times they DO happen.  I've been Fortunate indeed to be a Recipient of True Miracles when they come... and it solidifies Hope and Faith that even the impossible is sometimes possible.




But being the Impatient Being that I am then I'd rather Amuse myself with an Event now and again than to sit around waiting on Miracles to Manifest or Cures to be developed.   It makes more sense to me not to Waste Valuable Time waiting upon something that might... or might not... ever actually happen in this Lifetime.   And seeking that Sweet Spot in Life where everything seems to be as it should be... just for Now... and I'll take that...



*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl