Wednesday, April 5, 2017

The Wake-Up Call

It's been no Secret that I've been battling out of control Diabetes for some time now and my Pancreas has been crapping out so things haven't been going so well in the management of said disease.  All kinds of med switches have left me confused about what I'm taking at any given time and now I'm back on Insulin Shots as well.  But it is the dietary changes that have left me most with the feeling of deprivation.  I'm a Foodie, I freely confess it... it's one of the last Comforts left that I could Enjoy with any measure of Freedom... and now I can't... dammit!

So sometimes I'd have Food Rebellion and indulge in some things that weren't on the Diabetic Friendly Diet, such things as Carbs... I Love Carbs, what can I say?  Eliminating Breads, Pasta, Rice completely from my Diet was something I was a complete Rebel about, so I tried Moderation of Carbs... didn't work... dammit!

And Diet Soda, it is like my form of Crack I suppose, so I didn't wanna give it up, tho' I knew I could.   Done it before, gave it up for a full year while on the Nutrisystem Diet and lost that 61 lbs. that I gained right back when I quit using their foods exclusively.   I had read that for some reason Diet Sodas are even worse for Diabetics than regular Soda and they don't even know why exactly?  It's probably all in those fake Sweeteners they use, which apparently are the Devil, so I've quit using them too... along with now giving up Diet Sodas... dammit!

And Fruit... watch the Fresh Fruit my Life Skills Coach they assigned me has said... they're full of Natural Sugars.   Have I ever told you how much I Love Fresh Fruit?   And though it's healthy, not so much for a Diabetic since a lot of Healthy Foods apparently aren't Diabetic Friendly, so now I gotta limit that severely too... double dammit!   This Image is of my Minnow Pin, which is now in the Cabinet Of Curiosities Antique Barrister Cabinet... I Feel like this little Guy, like a Fish out of Water and Pinned... dealing with this disease and all it's restrictions!

But I have to and the Rebellion had to come to a screeching halt and did the other day when I got The Wake-Up Call at two in the Morning!   I'd had a really crappy day with the bad news about my Brother's deteriorating Eyesight and Health and an extremely stressful Shift at Work, which I won't bother to go into details about except to say it sucked in every way imaginable.  And extremely late Customers meant I didn't get out of there and Home on time to take my Insulin Shot and Night meds.  So I'm Guessing that my Stress levels for the day had been fairly off the charts, since then I also came Home to a Sick Child, with Princess T having Gastro distress again and extreme Anxiety, so she was still up way past 10:00 pm when I finally rolled in late.

Anxiety that only heightened because Grandpa, with his TBI, wasn't Coping well with a Sick Child... and when I did my Night time numbers check, Holy Shit, my Reading was very close to 500, which is dangerously near Coma Territory!  So hearing that, now I've got a hysterical Child and a brain damaged Man both kinda losing it and not knowing what to do?!   So they both just behaved badly... since when you are eleven years old or a brain damaged Adult, don't know what to do and you're overcome by Fear, it often tends to release in the form of displaced Anger. *Le Sigh*  

So there was a great deal of yelling hysteria and tears... while I attempted to maintain my Calm in the ensuing Madness.   Tho' by then I was Feeling close to passing out... which wouldn't have been good since I was the only one composed enough to make the 911 Call!!!   I really didn't wanna be whisked away to the Hospital since I'm the only one who can drive in this Family, which would have then left me stranded at a Hospital far from Home, them stranded at Home and with no Caregiving Coverage out here in Nowhereland. 

The Young Prince Mercifully slept thru the whole Drama since his Mother-in-Law Suite Upstairs that he occupies is soundproofed for Privacy.   I tried to bring my numbers down, but I'd taken all the levels of meds prescribed and nothing was happening except an elevation of said Dangerous Readings every 30 minutes... dammit!   Sometimes I think seeing your numbers spiraling upwards just creates more Stress and Anxiety which is why I don't test as often as they would like me to.  But, being I'm new at being back on injections, I'm supposed to monitor them and keep a Chart 'til my next visit to see if things are working with the new regimen.  Clearly... they aren't working!!!

I started thinking about Mortality and whether if it got to 500+ and I became Comatose, would or could the Paramedics arrive in time or be able to bring me out of it and back?   I'm not sure of response time out here in Nowhereland, but Rural Metro is fairly close by if they're not out on another call here in the Rural Burbs of Subdivision Hell in the Boonies?   So, just after 1:00 am I finally gave in and made the Call... I couldn't risk not making it even if they had to whisk me away to Hospital.   I'd let Social Services figure out what to do with the Crew should I not be able to find adequate Coverage from a Hospital Room for as long as I'd be Hospitalized.

Rural Metro Fire Dept. and the Paramedics were Wonderful, Patient and Kind.  Knowing the Family dynamic and seeing the Hot Mess that by now was the Trio of us that knew there was a Medical Emergency taking place, they concurred that if we could forego a trip to the ER we would.   I told them I also had a sleeping SMI Grandson Upstairs that didn't know what was going on and hopefully couldn't hear the ruckus Downstairs or wake up and notice flashing Fire Truck Lights thru his Upstairs windows which face the street?!

The Good News is that New Villa Boheme' can accommodate quite the crowds of Medical Emergency Personnel, all their gear and staging.  Unlike the Old Historic Homestead... which was a bitch to get Emergency Personnel or their gear into tiny rooms, thru narrow passageways or fitting thru Victorian size narrow Transom Doors with stretchers and shit!   So this was Good... should we have Emergencies, we can accommodate quite the entourage needed for them... as you can tell I was stretching for Positives in all of this!  *LOL*

But the very Good News was that by waiting, and being on the phone with a Doctor until 2:00 am, they were finally able to see my numbers coming down to the high 300 range, which was something I was comfortable with.  Tho' not a decent range by any measure, for me, with the Diabetes not up under control anyway, 200-390 range is 'usual' for me and I don't feel like mebbe I'm gonna croak and might stay vertical?   So, I didn't hafta go to the ER, and with stringent adherence to going Cold Turkey and eliminating ALL Carbs, Diet Soda, limiting Fruit severely and taking mandatory Naps... eating separately prepared Meals and Snacks from the rest of the Family in small portions and 6 times a day... while taking New Med regimen, I'm seeing numbers falling... to 200-250 range.

The Young Prince and The Man said they would Help me by drinking all my Diet Sodas in the house so I won't have any Temptation... they almost couldn't wait to Help me in fact!  *LOL*   And tho' I would like to say I haven't had any adverse effects or withdrawal, either physically or emotionally, from going Cold Turkey on elimination of Dietary items that are not Diabetic Friendly and replacing them with substitutions, I can't.  Because it will be a Process to adapt to over time until it becomes the Norm and my Habit.  And since I'm a Drama Free Mama, I don't want another episode like that one so I'm just gonna hafta suck it up and do it... dammit!  *Winks*


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian 


  1. I can certainly see why you were feeling the stress. . .having everything happening at once, and all the worry you go through with being a caregiver. Having to limit your diet can be challenging, especially when it's all taken away at once. Prayers that you're on the right track with that, now. Take care of yourself!

  2. You are a wonder to me. I'm sending love and admiration your way.


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